im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
