I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
