i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
