whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
