that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
