If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
