I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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