sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
