but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
