I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
