he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
