they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize