did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
