my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
