Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I have fence marks all over my body
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
