wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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