can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
