So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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