Just look for the house with the beer knights.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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