so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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