My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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