I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
