So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
