i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
