I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
