P.S. I can't hear my feet
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
