is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
