Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
17 year olds will be the death of me.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize