I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
