Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
