I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Little spoons don't ask big questions
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Panties = found
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
