Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
