Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
