ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
