saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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