How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
