new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
