You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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