Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
