I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
