who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
