He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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