He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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