this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
