I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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