i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
