you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
