My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Please, let me fuck your mom
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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