oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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