there's paper in my vomit.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
