My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
