you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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