Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
