normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
