i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
