eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
