I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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