Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
