I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
