My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
