maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
