I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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