you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize