My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
