What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
