Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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