I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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