You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize