____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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