if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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