Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
