Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I smell stomach acid.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I can't turn off my feet"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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