her vagine was all disorganized.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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