Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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