look no pants
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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