Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
