i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
