I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
