he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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