Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize