He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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