____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
