it was like his penis was on wheels.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
