You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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