im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize