If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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