Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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