glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
