I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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