Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
