You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
