I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
