How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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