I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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