The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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