i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
