I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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