U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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