I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
