bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
