He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
