He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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