Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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