you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
