Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize