His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
