well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
