good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
