VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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