Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
