I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
